英语写作--building-better-sentence课件.ppt

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1、6.BUILDING BETTER SENTENCESFENG LEI6.BUILDING BETTER SENTENCESThe first five parts explain the basic rules and principles of English grammar.They are devoted to syntax,to the way words,phrases,and clauses are put together to form sentence.But grammars main purpose is to enhance communication by addi

2、ng clarity and beauty to the language.6.BUILDING BETTER SENTENCES6.1 Parallel Sentences Contain Parallel Ideas6.2 Ideas in a Sentence Should Be Related6.3 For Clarity,Verbs Should Be Close to Their Subjects6.4 Emphasis and Subordination Affect the Meaning6.5 Figure of Speech Add Life to Language6.1

3、6.1 Parallel Sentences Contain Parallel IdeasIdes that are parallel in thought should be parallel in structure.you can easily see that the following sentence is faulty in that respect.qHe likes batting and to play first base.The word batting is a gerund and the words to play an infinitive.To be para

4、llel,the sentence should read as follows.qHe likes batting and playing first base.orqHe likes to bat and to play first base.qAmong the things that make my employment in this company attractive are making friends,having opportunity for advancement,and participating in the retirement plan.A well const

5、ructed sentence does not contain a shift in voice.Verbs have voice and may be either active voice or passive voice.qTina wore a red dress.qA red dress was worn by Tina.Active voice:Passive voice:The following examples illustrate shifts in voice within single sentences and the preferable parallel str

6、ucture.Shift from active to passive voice:qMr.and Mrs.Anderson owed the firm$40,but it was not paid by them.Shift from active to passive voice:qHis grandmother gave him a gift of money,and a few days later he was given a bicycle.Revised:qMr.and Mrs.Anderson owed the firm$40,but but they did not pay

7、it.qHis grandmother gave him a gift of money,and a few days later she gave him a bicycle.The careful writer also avoid shifts in tense and mood.Shift in tense:qThe story is about a boy and a girl who fall in love,married,and lived happily ever after.Shift in mood:qIf I were wealthy enough and my bro

8、ther was healthy enough,we would go on an ocean cruise.Revised:qThe story is about a boy and a girl who fall in love,marry,and live happily ever after.qThe story is about a boy and a girl who fell in love,married,and lived happily ever after.qIf I were wealthy enough and my brother were healthy enou

9、gh,we would go on an ocean cruise.Underline the parallel elements in these sentencesExampleqOwning a station wagon is a convenience not only for me but also for my family.1.Do you advise me to in stocks,to start a savings account,or to buy government bonds?2.I think playing bridge calls for more ski

10、ll than playing gin rummy.3.He was obeyed by his soldiers,feared by his servants,and hated by his enemies.Now test yourself by rewriting these sentences to improve them.4.Marie likes working in an office more than to cook meals at home.5.We should do these things to improve living conditions,increas

11、ing the value of our property,and for keeping our community spirit strong.6.Joanne washed the supper dishes and then some sewing was done by her.7.The committee discussed the projects for more than an hour,but not many points were agreed upon.continued8.After we ate supper,he goes to the bowling lan

12、es.9.First he shouted his objection to the proposal and then he stalks out of the room.10.If he were here and I was with him,we would decide immediately what to do.11.Go to college first and then you should get a job.12.We need volunteers to lovingly devote their time as their gift in this Christmas

13、 Season.13.He asked us to immediately notify the office of the change.6.2Sentences of that kind can be rewritten to show relationship between the ideas they contain.Improved:qWinter arrived late that year;and when we were housebound in bad weather,my sister played familiar tunes on the piano.qDr.Joh

14、nson,a specialist in neurosurgery,relaxes from his work by taking walks with his basset hound,which he calls Ha-Ha.qTwo events in 1986 stand out in our memory.One was the celebration of the Statute of Liberty;the other was our sons graduation from college.Unintended implications are deceptively easy

15、 to write.qThe coach said that better protective headgear for football costs more than the school can afford.qImplication:School administers are willing to risk injury to players.qThe Human Relations Centers was created on the campus last February when the need to assist disadvantaged youth was fina

16、lly recognized.qImplication:In all the years past university officials had failed to recognized the needs of disadvantaged youth.qHer agent,Albert Fredan,failed to check the rules and entered her in the contest despite her age.qImplication:The agent was either lazy or careless.Extreme brevity may le

17、ad to unintended implications.qThe November 30 robbery of the Kent Ellis HotelqImplication:There have been other robberies at that hotel.That implication could be avoided by writing it this way:qThe robbery of the Kent Ellis Hotel on November 30qA Catholic,he was elected mayor.qImplication:He was el

18、ected mayor because he was a Catholic.practice1.Harry Anderson is my friend,and he has a large herd of Holstein cattle.(unrelated ideas)2.Born in Haiti,he was denied member ship in the Club.(implication?)3.The Fire Chief said that the fire alarm apparently was not working.Records show that the alarm

19、 had been checked by a city inspector only two weeks ago.(implication?)4.Troy won 78-76 in overtime Thursday night in a home game with Centerville.The Trojans set a record by making 75 per cent of their field goal attempts.(which is which?)6.36.3 For Clarity,Verbs Should Be Close to Their SubjectsTh

20、e reader can become confused when a verb is separated from its subject by a number of words.qThe mob,urged on by bystanders and energetic leaders and apparently facing little opposition from the police a block away,surged toward the doorway.The sentence would be improved if it read:qThe mob surged t

21、oward the doorway,urged on by bystanders and energetic leaders and apparently facing little opposition from the police a block away.The reader can also become confused in attempting to read a sentence that is overloaded with ideasqA tight supply situation may develop in the nations major farm produc

22、ts with the possible exception of cotton before this summers harvest gets under way,because surplus stocks have been virtually exhausted through heavy shipments abroad,which is the first time that has happened in more than ten years.That would be easier to read if it were broken into two or three se

23、ntences:qA tight supply situation may develop in the nations major farm products with the possible exception of cotton before this summers harvest gets under way.The reason is that surplus stocks have been virtually exhausted through heavy shipments abroad.This is the first time that has happened in

24、 more than ten years.Here is another example of an overloaded sentence.qFaculty members involved in a project at both schools this spring,plus some pupils and parents,were given the opportunity to assess progress in a survey coordinated by Jacob Schaum,former counselor now serving in the Personnel A

25、dministration Division,and conducted under the supervision of Assistant Superintendent David Studer.Rewritten:qFaculty members involved in the project at both schools this spring,plus some pupils and parents,were given the opportunity to assess progress.That was done through a survey coordinated by

26、Jacob Schaum,former counselor now serving in the Personnel Administration Division.The survey was conducted under the supervision of David Studer,assistant superintendent.exerciseRewrite each of these sentences to bring the subject and the verb closer.To do so,you will need to break each long senten

27、ce into two sentences.1.The old farm house,neglected for years,half hidden by overgrown shrubbery and covered with vines,the white paint applied years ago now peeling and the red brick chimney askew,stood at the end of a tree-lined lane about a tenth of a mile from the highway.2.Mrs.Gonzales,pronoun

28、ced dead at the scene of the fire at 1127 Second Avenue apparently of smoke inhalation but with burns on portions of her body,had been trying to make her way to the sliding glass door leading to the balcony when she was overcome.continuedAnswer1.The old farm house stood at the end of a tree-lined la

29、ne about a tenth of a mile from the highway.Neglected for years,it was half hidden by overgrown shrubbery and covered with vines,the white paint applied years ago now peeling and the red brick chimney askew.2.Mrs.Gonzales was pronounced dead at the scene of the fire at 1127 Second Avenue,apparently

30、of smoke inhalation but with burns on portions of her body.It is believed that she had been trying to make her way to the sliding glass door leading to the balcony when she was overcome.continued3.Arthur Monet,well known local businessman,announced yesterday that he has sold his business and is movi

31、ng to Atlanta.He has twice been a candidate for the city council and was a strong supporter of Mayor Johnson in a recent dispute over relocation of a juvenile correction facility.4.The historic Raxton Mill was destroyed by fire last night.It was an old frame building on the Durham River a mile east

32、of Carlton near the site a fierce battle in the French and Indian Wars and a gathering place in the 18th century for farmers bringing grain for milling.5.Alexander Andressa,local television show host,is leaving the broadcast industry to accept a teaching position at Maynard College.He won recognitio

33、n in Rochester for his success in building a large audience for an innovative interview program before coming to this city as an announcer.6.46.4 Emphasis and Subordination Affect the MeaningEveryone uses emphasis and subordination when he writes,whether he realizes it or not.Emphasis and subordinat

34、ion can be effected in several ways:A word or words are emphasized when they are placed first in a sentence;they are subordinated when they are placed last or inside the sentence.The meaning can be affected by changing the emphasis.Examples:qJason played golf yesterday.qYesterday Jason played golf.T

35、he first sentence is merely a statement of fact.In the second sentence emphasis is given to the word Yesterday which conveys a subtle implication that today he playing some other game,or yesterday Jason was well but today he is ill,or even dead.Ideas are emphasized when they are placed in independen

36、t clauses;they are subordinate when they are placed in dependent clauses.Examples:qDr.James B.Burner,superintendent of schools,was guest speaker at the annual banquet of the Chambers of Commerce last night.That sentence emphasizes that Dr.Burner was the speaker,that he spoke.Sentences are usually mo

37、re forceful and less wordy when they are written in active voice.That does not mean,however,that passive voice should never be used.For instance,a different emphasis may require the use of passive voice.That can be illustrated with these two“news briefs.”qHighland park-Forest Rangers shot and killed

38、 a bear that menaced square dancers in a recreation ball here last night.qHighland Park-A bear was shot and killed by Forest Rangers here last night when it menaced square dancers in a recreation hall.In the first,Forest Rangers is emphasized by being placed first in the sentence;in the second,a bea

39、r is emphasized by placing first.Sentences that begin with such neutral words as There is and There are not as forceful or interesting as those that begin with a subject.qThere are a dozen crows in the cornfield.(weak)qA dozen crows are in the cornfield.(stronger)qThere were fourteen persons strande

40、d when the ferry broke down.(weak)qFourteen persons were stranded when the ferry broke down.(stronger)Unnecessary words sap vitality from sentences.qHe finally tendered his resignation.He finally resigned.qHe was able to make his escape through a hole in the fence.He was able to escape through a hol

41、e in the fence.qThe chief is of the opinion that thieves made their getaway in a truck.The chief believes that the thieves made their getaway in a truck.qOne man was injured and two cars damaged in an accident which occurred at the intersection of Hillcrest and Main streets about 5 p.m.yesterday.One

42、 man was injured and two cars damaged in an accident at the intersection of Hillcrest and Main streets about 5 p.m.yesterday.Repetition is often necessary for clarity and understanding and also for emphasis.This is particularly true in any attempt to explain complex matter or to persuade the reader

43、to a particular point of view.Repetition in such case,however,does not consist in saying the same words over and over,but rather in giving examples,telling stories that illustrate the idea,quoting experts,citing facts and figures,drawing conclusions,making predictions and presenting analogies.The us

44、e of repetition calls for judgment.Too much may tire the reader;too little may leave him confused or bored.Complex matters need considerable repetition in varied forms;simple matters need little or no repetition.The statement that emphasis can be obtained through repetition of important words and ph

45、rases,while true,needs some explanation.While repetition of identical words or phrases can provide emphases in some instances,it generally detracts from the quality of writing and is an indication of unwillingness or inability to think of different ways of expressing the same idea.ExampleqThe Nation

46、al Education Association has begun an investigation of the Baltimore public schools.The investigation was begun yesterday after local sanctions and a joint NEA-Maryland State Teachers Association warning failed to produce improvements in the educational conditions in the city.The paragraph could be

47、written to avoid that repetition.qThe National Education Association has begun an investigation of the Baltimore public schools.The action was started yesterday after local sanctions and a joint NEA-Maryland State Teachers Association warning failed to produce improvements in the educational conditi

48、ons in the city.A sentence fragment is simply an incomplete sentence.Fragment:Corrected:Fragment:Corrected:qI had dinner at Barneys Steak House.But I did not like the food.qI had dinner at Barneys Steak House,but I did not like the food.qI wont go there again.Because I dont like steak.qI wont go the

49、re again because I dont like steak.A run-on sentence is one in which two independent clauses are written as one but without a connective or a semicolon.Run-on:Corrected:Run-on:Corrected:1.The Fourth of July came on Friday this year,next year it will be on Sunday because of leap year.2.The Fourth of

50、July came on Friday this year;next year it will be on Sunday because of leap year.3.We usually celebrate the Forth of July at the beach this year we are going to the park.4.We usually celebrate the Forth of July at the beach,but this year we are going to the park.The first run-on sentence above is c