作文讲评校园生活定稿.pptx

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1、Writing feedback -A/An person in my school life北京二十中学北京二十中学刘巍刘巍Learning objectiveTo rewrite and better your writingInstruction 文段表达（15分）亲爱的同学们，初中生活即将结束！在此离别之际，恰逢21世纪英语周刊征稿，请你以 “A/An person in my school life”为题，根据下面的英文问题，介绍一位老师或同学，描述一件发生在你们之间的、令你印象深刻的事情，并谈谈你的感受。要求：不少于50词。1. What is the teacher/ stude

2、nt like?2. Describe the most impressive thing between you.3. What do you think of it? Miss Liu is a kind teacher. She is of medium height and has straight black hair. She is always patient with us. Whenever we have difficulties she never fails to give us a hand. Looking back at these three years, I

3、remember one thing most. One day, I argued with my classmate. I was so angry that I swore that I would never forgive him. Miss Liu learned that and asked me to go to her office. I was really nervous. Unexpectedly, she didnt blame me. Instead, she had a sincere talk with me. She told me to learn to f

4、orgive others. I was shameful and moved. I am thankful to Miss Liu for her kindness and love for students. I get not only the knowledge from her but also the life-long lesson which can influence the rest of my life.Sample 13分分 Miss Liu is a kind teacher. She is of medium height and has straight blac

5、k hair. She is always patient with us. When we meet difficulties she never fails to give us a hand.Structure 1. What is the teacher/ student like?Structure 描述描述一件一件发生在你们之间的、令你印象深刻的发生在你们之间的、令你印象深刻的事情事情Which of the following words are more likely to be used to describe a past event?A.always, often, so

6、metimesB.one day; that afternoon; once; at that time Looking back at these three years, I remember one thing most. One day, I argued with my classmate. I was so angry that I swore that I would never forgive him. Miss Liu learned that and asked me to go to her office. I was really nervous. Unexpected

7、ly, she didnt blame me. Instead, she had a sincere talk with me. She told me to learn to forgive others. I was shameful and moved.Structure 2. Describe the most impressive thing between you.One thing I am thankful to Miss Liu for her kindness and love for students. I get not only the knowledge from

8、her but also the life-long lesson which can influence the rest of my life.Structure 3. What do you think of it? Structure Which part should be written in detail (详细写详细写) ?Grammar Focus on the tenses of para 1&3 Miss Liu is a kind teacher. She is of medium height and has straight black hair. She is a

9、lways patient with us. Whenever we have difficulties she never fails to give us a hand. Looking back at these three years, I remember one thing most. One day, I argued with my classmate. I was so angry that I swore that I would never forgive him. Miss Liu learned that and asked me to go to her offic

10、e. I was really nervous. Unexpectedly, she didnt blame me. Instead she had a sincere talk with me. She told me to learn to forgive others. I was shameful and moved. I am thankful to Miss Liu for her kindness and love for students. I get not only the knowledge from her but also the life-long lesson w

11、hich can influence the rest of my life.Grammar Focus on the tense of para 2v主语后的谓语动词体现时态主语后的谓语动词体现时态 Miss Liu is a kind teacher. She is of medium height and has straight black hair. She is always patient with us. Whenever we have difficulties she never fails to give us a hand. Looking back at these

12、three years, I remember one thing most. One day, I argued with my classmate. I was so angry that I swore that I would never forgive him. Miss Liu learned that and asked me to go to her office. I was really nervous. Unexpectedly, she didnt blame me. Instead, she had a sincere talk with me. She told m

13、e to learn to forgive others. I was shameful and moved. I am thankful to Miss Liu for her kindness and love for students. I get not only the knowledge from her but also the life-long lesson which can influence the rest of my life.并列谓语并列谓语固定搭配固定搭配 Jane is my best friend. She wears glasses and she is

14、of medium build. Looking back these years, I remember one thing most. One day, I fell ill and I didnt go to school. I stayed at home but I worried about my homework. To my surprise, Jane came to my home and she brought my homework to me. She didnt go back home until I finished my homework. I was dee

15、ply moved. After that, we became good friends. I am sure that well be good friends forever.Grammar Fill in the blanks using the right form of the wordsOne thing Miss Liu is a kind teacher. She is of medium height and has straight black hair. She is always patient with us. Whenever we have difficulti

16、es she never fails to give us a hand. Looking back at these three years, I remember one thing most. One day, I argued with my classmate. I was so angry that I swore that I would never forgive him. Miss Liu learned that and asked me to go to her office. I was really nervous. Unexpectedly, she didnt b

17、lame me. Instead, she had a sincere talk with me. She told me to learn to forgive others. I was shameful and moved. I am thankful to Miss Liu for her kindness and love for students. I get not only the knowledge from her but also the life-long lesson which can influence the rest of my life.Language 1

18、3分分Language 短语或句型短语或句型 Although；so that; In the depth of my memory；play an important role; be thankful to; Its important to; not only but also好句子好句子 I value the special friendship so much that I strongly believe that our friendship will last forever. Deep in my heart, she is not only a teacher, but

19、also a close friend. It is she who makes me believe that I have the ability to challenge myself to do something beyond my reach. As far as Im concerned, I learn that nothing is impossible if we put our hearts in it. Moreover, believing in ourselves plays an important role in our daily life. He is exactly the type of person I want as a friend.Language Rewrite Improve the writing by yourself （在原稿上直接用红笔修改提高）在原稿上直接用红笔修改提高） Share in classPresentation 结构段落结构段落3分分时态语法时态语法7分分语言丰富语言丰富3分分情感提升情感提升2分分