0Bctbzf《老友记》中英文剧本第一季第二集(13页).doc

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1、-0Bctbzf老友记中英文剧本第一季第二集102 参加助产训练班你们男生不懂亲吻对女生的重要性没错，当真?当真.你想了解的一切全在初吻之中没错对我们而言亲吻就像是开场，就像佛洛伊飞船出场前，你得耐着性子先看完脱口秀对，我们并非讨厌脱口秀，但那不是我们买票的原因问题出在于演唱会结束后，不论表演有多精采，你们女生总还想再看脱口秀，我们在车上奋力杀出车阵，只是拼命让自己别睡着是哦?给你一个建议。叫脱口秀主持人再度上场，否则下次，你们只能坐家里听唱片我们还在谈论性吗?不，这样很好，只是她看起来是不是有点生气吗?她有麻烦事.她有吗?他在外头乱搞女人，而她却待家里，设法去除地毯上乳齿象的味道玛莎，他们是

2、穴居人，他们关心的问题是冰河愈来愈接近了，懂吗?谈到问题,那不是你前妻吗?我的?不是是的,她是.嘿,你好是的,我到冰河期找你编剧：马卡克夫曼大卫克恩你的气色好极了，我讨厌看到这样抱歉，谢了你的气色也很好，在这儿任何直立的人，最近如何?还是女同志?问问无妨嘛，家庭生活如何?玛蒂的疑心病还是很重卡萝，为何来这儿?我怀孕了她似乎不急着离开，人和人，让人讨厌的就是有误会，他们之间有误会我看过这一集喝完没?抱歉,吞下去的时间太慢这是谁的小纸团?我的，我写给自己一张便条，后来觉得自己不需要，于是将它揉成纸团，我不想活了她已经拍松过那个枕头，摩妮卡，你已经拍过了枕头了?抱歉，各位，我只是不想，让他们有藉题发

3、挥的机会没错，我们都知道，父母对孩子的枕头要求有多苛刻。摩妮卡，你吓到我了，你慌慌张张的，而且显得不是很好冷静,你没见过每次他们来时，罗斯有慌张的样子因为在我爸妈心目中，罗斯不可能犯错，他是个王子，显然，他们在我出生前有个大型仪式。 什么?丑陋裸男有个”美腿器”有人看见我的订婚戒指吗?有，很漂亮。糟了，嘿,不要动它们明天就要还他戒指，我似乎还不够担心。巴瑞，记得我吗?，我是那个穿白纱，让你在亲友面前出糗的人，天啊，如今我必须还他戒指，戒指不见了，叫我如何面对他？别急，我们会找到的，对不?是呀,我们会的.最后一次戴是在什么时候?”孩仔”，大概是在遗失之前这年头说”孩仔”的人不多我今天早上还戴它，

4、我在厨房戴着做面条？别生气对不起我就让你做了这么一件事情你看面条现在变得多直摩妮卡，在千层面中找订婚戒指不是那样找我办不到我们很高兴做.语气并不开心卡萝怀孕了我找到了什,什,什么?你再持续两小时，就会变成我这样如此一来，枕头的事就可先拦在一旁?你现在要怎么办?卡萝说她和苏珊想让我加入，但是对这件事我不太感到舒服,我不想卷进去.一切由我做决定她人好好，我真想念她她所谓的”加入”代表什么?我猜,你大部分的工作已经结束了总之，她们要我和她们去做超音波检查你打算怎么做?我也不知道，不管我怎么做我还是孩子的爹面已经被搅乱了，不是吗?玛莎路金的女儿会打电话给你怎么会有咖哩味?因为有放咖哩这东西很好吃，真的

5、你还记得路金一家人?他们的大女儿喜欢你，对不?他们家的女儿都喜欢他不要这样,妈妈抱歉，她为何要打电话给我?她刚毕业，想找份烹饪的工作吧，我告诉她你开了一家餐馆不，妈，我没开餐馆，我在餐厅工作他们不需要知道罗斯，能帮我做义大利面吗?我们吃义大利面呀?太简单了我知道这样要求过于自私，你能不能和他们说一下小孩/女同性恋之类的事?因为这样可以让我喘口气瑞秋到底怎么了?，我们在俱乐部遇见她父母，他们很不开心我不想讲他们为此婚礼花了些什么，但是4万块不是个小数目?至少她有机会把一个男人留在教堂里的圣坛什么意思?没什么，随便说说不，不是的，别听你妈乱讲话，你一直都很独立，就连你小时候，胖嘟嘟的一个朋友也没有

6、，你还是活得好好的，你会待在你房里看书玩拼图而像罗斯这种人则追求卓越，博物馆，发表论文，其他人则安于现状告诉你，这种人不会得癌症我还知道，这些女人想拥有一切，幸好我们家的小摩妮卡似乎没有这种问题罗斯，你呢?最近有什么新闻八卦之类可以和老爸老妈分享的好吧，我知道你们想了解我和卡萝之间倒底怎么了，事情是这样的，卡萝是个女同志，她和一个名字苏珊的女人同居，她怀了我的孩子，并打算和苏珊共同抚养他这些你全都知道?你的状况真的很糟糕吗?你要知道这些人十分专业,他们会躲在那里再来个突然袭击常言道：父母是无法交换的，如果可以，我要你的父母我要去尿尿了如果你是双胞胎，情况会更惨你是双胞胎?对,我们不往来。她是一

7、心追求事业的人她从事什么工作?服务生各位，我得打扫了钱德，你是独子?你没有这些困扰?没有。尽管我有个想像中的朋友，而我爸妈比较喜欢他帮我关灯我在里面多久了?只是我要打扫了需要帮忙吗?好呀，谢了明天要见巴瑞，紧张吗?有一点很紧张有任何建言吗?就一个最近刚被甩的人而言,你应该避免用”甩”这个字眼,现在他可能痛不欲生,因此你不该显得艳光照人.我知道这一点很难做到.这样吧，我拿戒指还巴瑞,你陪卡萝及苏珊去做检查你明天得见卡萝,此事何时变得这么复杂?你可问倒我了还记得我们在高中时代吗? 记得你没想过自己会遇见心上人,谈恋爱,然后厮守终生吗?罗斯? 什么事?没想到自己会沦落到这个地步我也是抱歉，我迟到了,

8、我忙得无法脱身恐龙之类的事罗斯，记得苏珊吗?我怎能忘得了?罗斯苏珊,你好,她的手好有力,那么我们在等欧伯曼大夫欧伯曼大夫他，她她了解我们的特殊状况?了解，而且她非常支持这太好了,不,我只是.谢了罗斯，那是用来打开我的子宫颈的巴瑞进来没问题?没问题,罗此得待在这儿好几个小时最近好吗?你的气色好极了法大夫,杰森快没气了马上到我马上回来我甩了他哦.我们该如何处理此事?比方说某些重大的决定比如?比方说孩子的名字马龙如果是个男孩马龙,如果是个女孩就叫米妮和米奇的女友同名?和我奶奶同名不管怎样,听到这个还是想到老鼠.朱莉亚如何?朱莉亚?我们决定用米妮真幽默我们曾决定共同生活一辈子,世事难料，兵来将挡.茱莉

9、亚，就这么决定抱歉,近来可好?混得过去，我刚找到工作这太好了你为何晒得这么黑?我到阿鲁巴了你自己一个去渡蜜月?不是,我和 你也许会很不好受我?不.我和明蒂去了我的伴娘明蒂?对，我们是认真的你去做植发了?小心，还不固定你何时配隐形眼镜的?你不是讨厌将手指放进眼睛吗?还不是为了她. 我真的得感谢你一个月前我想伤害你,我从未如此激动过,我是个整牙医师你说得没错,我以为我们会过得很快乐,我们不快乐.但是和明蒂在一起,现在我很快乐.吐掉什么?是和我说总之，这东西属于你的.谢谢你送我谢谢你送还给我拜托，海伦有什么不好?海伦盖勒?不行她不会叫海伦盖勒的不，我是说她不姓盖勒难道她叫海伦威利克老实说,我们考虑用

10、海伦威利克班奇等等，为何有她的份?因为她也是我的宝宝是吗?我不记得女人也会制造精子我们都知道那是个极大的挑战够了，你们两个，别吵了不，功劳全让她抢了.我也在场罗斯，你该不会想用海伦威利克班奇盖勒吧?因为这有虐待儿童之嫌当然没有,我想用盖勒威利克班奇绝对不行,你看他，没人会叫她全名的.他知道别人只会叫她盖勒,这样他就得逞了我得逞?你认为这样算我得逞?相信我，我没想到自己会沦落到这种地步,我是不得已的有人在吗?今天如何，想呕吐吗?只是一点点我只是问准妈妈,很感谢你们的分享.躺好知道吗?我不加入,我认为此时自己无法淌人这浑水我的天呀看啊我知道很神奇吧我们该看到什么?我不知道,可能是攻击企业号(星舰迷

11、航记)如果你们把头稍微向左偏,两眼放轻松,它样子就像是一个颗老马铃薯那么就不要那么干摩妮卡，你认为呢?你热泪盈眶?才没那我只是你有,你热泪盈眶你就要成为阿姨了闭嘴明蒂，我是瑞秋.我很好，我今天和巴瑞见面了.不，他告诉我了,没关系，真的.对，他告诉我了,我诚心祝福你们幸福快乐.如果一切顺利，你们结婚生子,希望他们有他的发线和你的鼻子.我知道这招很贱,但我感觉好棒-第 13 页秋风清，秋月明,落叶聚还散,寒鸦栖复惊。102 The One With the Sonogram at the EndScene Central Perk, everyones there.Monica: What you

12、 guys dont understand is, for us, kissing is as important as any part of it. Joey: Yeah, right!.Yserious? Phoebe: Oh, yeah! Rachel: Everything you need to know is in that first kiss. Monica: Absolutely. Chandler: Yeah, I think for us, kissing is pretty much like an opening act, yknow? I mean its lik

13、e the stand-up comedian you have to sit through before Pink Floyd comes out. Ross: Yeah, and-and its not that we dont like the comedian, its that-that. thats not why we bought the ticket. Chandler: The problem is, though, after the concerts over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are alway

14、s looking for the comedian again, yknow? I mean, were in the car, were fighting traffic. basically just trying to stay awake. Rachel: Yeah, well, word of advice: Bring back the comedian. Otherwise next time youre gonna find yourself sitting at home, listening to that album alone. Joey: (pause).Are w

15、e still talking about sex?Opening CreditsScene: Museum of Prehistoric History, Ross and a co-worker (Marsha) are setting up an exhibit which includes some mannequins of cave people. Ross: No, its good, it is good, its just that- mm- doesnt she seem a little angry? Marsha: Well, she has issues. Ross:

16、 Does she？Marsha: Hes out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet! Ross: Marsha, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like Gee, that glaciers getting kinda close. See? Marsha: Speaking of issues, isnt that your

17、 ex-wife? (Carol, Rosss ex-wife, has entered behind them and is standing outstide the exhibit.) Ross: (trying to ignore her) No. No. Marsha: Yes, it is. Carol! Hi! Ross: Okay, okay, yes, it is. (waves) How about Ill, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age. (Marsha extis and Ross waves Carol into the e

18、xhibit.) Ross:Hi. Carol: So. Ross: You look great. I, uh. I hate that. Carol: Sorry. You look good too. Ross: Ah, well, in here, anyone who. stands erect. So whats new? Still, uh. Carol: A lesbian? Ross: Well. you never know. Hows, um. hows the family? Carol: Martys still totally paranoid. Oh, and,

19、uh- Ross: Why- why are you here, Carol? Carol: Im pregnant. Ross: Pregnant?! Scene: Monica and Rachels, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica are watching Threes Company.Chandler: Oh, I think this is the episode of Threes Company where theres some kind of misunderstanding. Phoebe:.Then Ive already seen

20、 this one! (Turns off the TV.) Monica: (taking a drink from Joey) Are you through with that? Joey: Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down. Monica: Whose little ball of paper is this?! Chandler: Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, and then I realised I didnt need it, so I b

21、alled it up and. (sees that Monica is glaring at him) .now I wish I was dead. (Monica starts to fluff a pillow.) Phoebe: Shes already fluffed that pillow. Monica, you know, youve already fluffed that- (Monica glares at her.) -but, its fine! Monica: Look , Im sorry, guys, I just dont wanna give them

22、any more ammunition than they already have. Chandler: Yes, and we all know how cruel a parent can be about the flatness of a childs pillow. Phoebe: Monica- Hi! Um, Monica, youre scaring me. I mean, youre like, youre like all chaotic and twirly. And not-not in a good way. Joey: Yeah, calm down. You d

23、ont see Ross getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come. Monica: Thats because as far as my parents are concerned, Ross can do no wrong. Ysee, hes the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born. Chandler: (looking out the window) Ew, ew, ew, ew ew ew ew ew! Monica: What

24、? Chandler: Ugly Naked Guy got a Thighmaster! All: Eeaagh! (Rachel enters from her room.) Rachel: Has anybody seen my engagement ring? Phoebe: Yeah, its beautiful. Rachel: Oh God, oh God, oh God oh God oh God oh God. (Starts to look under the couch cushions.) Phoebe: No, look, dont touch that! Rache

25、l: Oh, like I wasnt dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him. Hi Barry! Remember me? Im the girl in the veil who stomped on your heart in front of your entire family! Oh God and now Im gonna have to return the ring, without the ring, which makes it so much harder. Monica: Easy Rach, w

26、ell find it. (To all) Wont we! Chandler and Joey: Oh! Yeah!Joey: Alright, whendya have it on last?Phoebe: Doy! Probably right before she lost it! Chandler: You dont get a lot of doy these days. Rachel: I know I had it this morning, and I know I had it when I was in the kitchen with. Chandler: .Dinah

27、? Rachel: (looks at the lasagne and realizes something) Ohhhhh, dont be mad. Monica: You didnt. Rachel: Oh, I am sorry. Monica: I gave you one job! (Starts to examin the lasagne through the bottom of the glass pan.) Rachel: Oh, but look how straight those noodles are! Chandler: Now, Monica, you know

28、 thats not how you look for an engagement ring in a lasagne. Monica: (puts down the lasagne) I just. cant do it. Chandler: Boys? Were going in. (Chandler, Joey, and Phoebe start to pick through the lasagne as theres a knock on the door which Monica answers.) Ross: (standing outside the door).Hi. Mon

29、ica: Wow. That is not a happy hi. Ross: Carols pregnant. Phoebe: (while everyone else is stunned) Ooh! I found it! Monica: W-w-wh-. wha-. w-w-w-. Ross: Yeah. Do that for another two hours, you might be where I am right about now. (He enters.) Chandler: Kinda puts that whole pillow thing in perspecti

30、ve, huh, Mon? Rachel: Well now, how-how do you fit into this whole thing? Ross: Well, Carol says she and Susan want me to be involved, but if Im not comfortable with it, I dont have to be involved basically its entirely up to me. Phoebe: She is so great! I miss her. Monica: What does she mean by inv

31、olved? Chandler: I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done. Ross: Anyway, they want me to go down to this- sonogram thing with them tomorrow. Rachel: So what are you gonna do? Ross: I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, Im still gonna be a father. (Joey starts to eat the rest of

32、 the lasagne and everyone turns and stares at him.) Joey: .Well, this is still ruined, right?Scene, Monica and Rachels, Monica and Ross are pouring wine for their parents. Mrs. Geller: Oh, Martha Ludwins daughter is gonna call you. (Tastes a snack) Mmm! Whats that curry taste? Monica: Curry. Mrs. Ge

33、ller: Mmmm! Ross: I- I think theyre great! I, I really do. Mr. Geller: (To Ross) Do you remember the Ludwins? The big one had a thing for you, didnt she? Mrs. Geller: They all had a thing for him. Ross: Aw, Mom. Monica: Im sorry, why is this girl going to call me? Mrs. Geller: Oh, she just graduated

34、, and she wants to be something in cooking, or food, or. I dont know. Anyway, I told her you had a restaurant- Monica: No Mom, I dont have a restaurant, I work in a restaurant. Mrs. Geller: Well, they dont have to know that. (She starts to fluff the same pillow Monica fluffed multiple times earlier.

35、) Monica: Ross, could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please? Ross: Yeah. (They go to the kitchen.) Mrs. Geller: Oh, were having spaghetti! Thats. easy. Monica: I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I

36、think it might take some of the heat off me. Time Lapse, everyone is now eating. Mrs. Geller: What that Rachel did to her life. We ran into her parents at the club, they were not playing very well. Mr. Geller: Im not gonna tell you what they spent on that wedding. but forty thousand dollars is a lot

37、 of money! Mrs. Geller: Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar. Monica: Whats that supposed to mean? Mrs. Geller: Nothing! Its an expression. Monica: No its not. Mr. Geller: Dont listen to your mother. Youre independent, and you always have been! Even when you were a kid. and

38、you were chubby, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles. Time Lapse.Mr. Geller: Look, there are people like Ross who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying wh

39、ere they are- Im telling you, these are the people who never get cancer. Time Lapse. Mr. Geller: .And I read about these women trying to have it all, and I thank God Our Little Harmonica doesnt seem to have that problem. Monica: (trying desperately to change the subject) So, Ross, whats going on wit

40、h you? Any stories? (Digs her elbow into his hand.) No news, no little anecdotes to share with the folks? Ross: (pulls his hand away) Okay! Okay. (To his parents) Look, I, uh- I realise you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between Carol and me, and, so, well, heres the deal. Carols a l

41、esbian. Shes living with a woman named Susan. Shes pregnant with my child, and she and Susan are going to raise the baby. (Stunned silence ensues.) Mrs. Geller: (To Monica) And you knew about this?! Commercial BreakScene: Central Park, everyones there. Joey: Your folks are really that bad, huh? Ross

42、: Well, yknow, these people are pros. They know what theyre doing, they take their time, they get the job done. Monica: Boy, I know they say you cant change your parents,. boy, if you could- (To Ross) -Id want yours. Ross: Must pee. (Goes to pee.) Phoebe: Yknow, its even worse when youre twins. Rach

43、el: Youre twins? Phoebe: Yeah. We dont speak. Shes like this high-powered, driven career type. Chandler: What does she do? Phoebe: Shes a waitress. Rachel: All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. (They all start to leave.) Monica: Chandler, youre an only child, right? You dont have any of t

44、his. Chandler: Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who. my parents actually preferred. Rachel: The lights, please.(Joey turns off the lights, and they all leave as Rachel starts to clean up. Ross enters from the bathroom.) Ross: .How long was I in there? Rachel: Im just cleaning up. R

45、oss: Dya. uh. Do you need any help? Rachel: Uh. okay, sure! Thanks! (She hands him the broom and sits down.) Ross: Anyway. um. (Starts to sweep.) So, you- uh- you nervous about Barry tomorrow? Rachel: Oh. a little. Ross: Mm-hmm. Rachel: A lot. Ross: Mm. Rachel: So, got any advice? Yknow, as someone

46、whos recently been- dumped? Ross: Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word dumped. Chances are hes gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, yknow, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know itll be hard. Or, yknow, uh, hey!, Ill go down there, and Ill give Barry back his ring, and you can go with Carol and Susan to the OB/GYN. Rachel: Oh, youve