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1、精选优质文档-倾情为你奉上1 The Iliad for war; the Odyssey for wandering; but where is the great domestic epic? Yet it is but commonplace to say that passions may rage round a tea-table which would not have misbecome men dashing at one another in war chariots; and evolutions of patience and temper are performed
2、at the fireside, worthy to be compared with the Retreat of the Ten Thousand. Men have worshiped some fantastic being for living alone in a wilderness; but social martyrdom place no saints upon the calendar.1 伊利亚特是战争史诗，奥德赛是冒险史诗，生活史诗又在何处呢？虽然有，但人们司空见惯，认为平淡无奇。比方说茶桌上发生的争执，然而，盛怒燎原可能会演变成男人们驾着战车相互对峙；篝火旁人群集中
3、，产生并进化出了耐心和脾性，这一过程堪比远征记里的万人大撤退，都是非凡的事情。人类崇敬那些在荒郊野外独立生存的人，可是历史大事记上却没有因社交生活痛苦而记载（留名史册）的圣贤。2 We may blind ourselves to it if we like, but the hatreds and disgusts that there are behind friendship, relationship, service, and, indeed, proximity of all kinds, is one of the darkest spots upon earth. The va
4、rious relations of life, which bring people together, cannot, as we know, be perfectly fulfilled except in a state where there will, perhaps, be no occasion for any of them. It is no harm, however, to endeavor to see whether there are any methods which make these relations in the least degree more h
5、armonious now.如果愿意我们可以视而不见，但是隐藏在友谊、恋爱、服务关系乃至几乎一切人与人关系背后的嫌恶敌意，是地球上最黑暗的污点之一。众所周知，生活中将人们聚集在一起的各种关系，除非没有任何意外，否则都不会完全令人满意。但是，努力寻找是否有什么方法使关系变得更加和谐，还是有益无害的。3 In the first place, if people are to live happily together, they must not fancy, because they are thrown together now, that all their lives have been
6、 exactly similar up to the present time, that they started exactly alike, and that they are to be for the future of the same mind. A thorough conviction of the difference of men is the great thing to be assured of in social knowledge: it is to life what Newtons law is to astronomy. Sometimes men hav
7、e a knowledge of it with regard to the world in general: they do not expect the outer world to agree with them in all points, but are vexed at not being able to drive their own tastes and opinions into those they live with. Diversities distress them. They will not see that there are many forms of vi
8、rtue and wisdom. Yet we might as well say: Why all these stars; why this difference; why not all one star?首先，如果人们想幸福快乐地一起生活，就一定不能想当然地认为，既然他们现在已经相遇并在一起了，那么过去到现在，他们的生活都是一样的，开端一样而且以后也会以一样的思维继续生活。在社交生活知识中，人与人之间存在差异是根本定论，就像牛顿定律是天文学的根本定律一样。大千世界，有时候人类有这种认识：他们不求外界在所有问题上都能和他们观点一致，但是会因不能将自己的品味、想法灌输给身边的人而烦恼愠怒。
9、差异使他们痛苦，他们不会明白其实美德智慧有很多形式，然后依然感慨：“为什么有这么多星星？为什么都不相同？为什么不能只有一颗？”4 Many of the rules for people living together in peace follow from the above. For instance, not to interfere unreasonably with others, not to ridicule their tastes, not to question and requestion their resolves, not to indulge in perpet
10、ual comment on their proceedings, and to delight in their having other pursuits than ours, are all based upon a thorough perception of the simple fact that they are not we.4 人与人能和谐相处的许多规则都遵循刚刚提到的观点，比如，不要毫无理由地干涉他人，不要嘲笑他人的品味，不要质疑或反复质疑他人的决心，不要无休止地品论他人的事情，要为他人的追求与自己不同而感到高兴，所有这些都基于一个简单的事实他们不是我们。5 Another
11、 rule for living happily with others is to avoid having stock subjects of disputation. It mostly happens, when people live much together, that they come to have certain set topics, around which, from frequent dispute, there is such a growth of angry words, mortified vanity, and the like, that the or
12、iginal subject of difference becomes a standing subject for quarrel; and there is a tendency in all minor disputes to drift down to it.另一个与人和谐相处的规则就是避免产生争吵的固定话题。通常，经常在一起的人们会产生一些固定的话题，围绕这些话题会常常发生争执，久而久之便会恶语相向、互相羞辱，因此最初简单的分歧就变成了争吵的“固定话题”，而且所有细微的分歧在争论中都会转向这个“固定话题”。6 Again, if people wish to live well t
13、ogether, they must not hold too much to logic, and suppose that everything is to be settled by sufficient reason. Dr. Johnson saw this clearly with regard to married people, when he said: Wretched would be the pair above all names of wretchedness, who should be doomed to adjust by reason every morni
14、ng all the minute detail of a domestic day. But the application should be much more general than he made it. There is no time for such reasonings, and nothing that is worth them. And when we recollect how two lawyers, or two politicians, can go on contending, and that there is no end of one-sided re
15、asoning on any subject, we shall not be sure that such contention is the best mode for arriving at truth. But certainly it is not the way to arrive at good temper.此外，要想与人和谐相处，人们也不能对“讲道理”太过认真，不能以为万事只要有理就能解决。约翰森博士用夫妇的争执说明了这个规则，她说：“可怜人说的就是夫妻，他们背负相互指责的各种罪名，注定只能通过每天早晨争论琐事来为自己辩解。”这个规则比约翰森博士给出的应用更加广泛。这样的评理
16、白白费时、毫无价值，想想律师、政治家如何相互争论而各方的争辩都没有尽头，我们就应该懂得这样的争论本就不能了解真相，也不能和谐相处。7 If you would be loved as a companion, avoid unnecessary criticism upon those with whom you live. The number of people who have taken out judges patents for themselves is very large in any society. Now it would be hard for a man to li
17、ve with another who was always criticizing his actions, even if it were kindly and just criticism. It would be like living between the glasses of a microscope. But these self-elected judges, like their prototypes, are very apt to have the persons they judge brought before them in the guise of culpri
18、ts.要想成为受喜爱的同伴，就要避免对共同生活的人不必要的挑剔苛求。任何团体中总有很多人自诩为“法官”行使权力。即使出于善意或提醒，人们也很难和一个总是挑剔自己行为的人生活，因为这种生活就如同放在了显微镜下，而这些“自选”的法官们也时常准备着让他们的研究对象扮演罪犯的角色。8 One of the most provoking forms of the criticism above alluded to is that which may be called criticism over the shoulder. Had I been consulted, Had you listened
19、 to me, But you always will, and such short scraps of sentences may remind many of us of dissertations which we have suffered and inflicted, and of which we cannot call to mind any soothing effect.挑剔中最令人生气的方式就是“事后诸葛”。“你要是早问问我”，“你要是早听我的”，“不这样的话，你一定可以”，这些只言片语让我们联想起了反复修改论文的痛苦，听到这些没有人能够平心静气。9 Another ru
20、le is, not to let familiarity swallow up all courtesy. Many of us have a habit of saying to those with whom we live such things as we say about strangers behind their backs. There is no place, however, where real politeness is of more value than where we mostly think it would be superfluous. You may
21、 say more truth, or rather speak out more plainly, to your associates, but not less courteously, than you do to strangers.另一条规则就是不要因亲密而不讲礼貌。人们习惯和共同生活的人在背后说陌生人的坏话，然而，这个时候讲礼貌，比我们预想的要重要而绝非累赘。同与陌生人交谈相比，你和亲密同伴可能说更多真话，且说话更直白，但不能欠礼貌。10 Again, we must not expect more from the society of our friends and comp
22、anions than it can give; and especially must not expect contrary things. It is somewhat arrogant to talk of travelling over other minds (mind being, for what we know, infinite): but still we become familiar with the upper views, tastes, and tempers of our associates. And it is hardly in man to estim
23、ate justly what is familiar to him. In travelling along at night, as Hazlitt says, we catch a glimpse into cheerful-looking rooms with lights blazing in them, and we conclude, involuntarily, how happy the inmates must be. Yet there is heaven and hell in those rooms, the same heaven and hell that we
24、have known in others.另外，我们绝不能期望从同伴朋友那得到他们不能给予的东西，尤其是不能奢求他们不愿给予的东西。说起要读懂他人的心思未免过于自大，毕竟心想之事是无限的，但我们至少还熟悉同伴的世界观、品味爱好和性格脾气的，而让一个人公正地估计自己熟悉什么几乎是不可能的。正如哈兹里特所说，夜里在街上闲逛，瞥见灯火通明的屋子里欢声笑语，便自然而然得觉得亲密的人们一定很快乐，然而这些屋子里既有天堂也有地狱，同样的也在别人身上发生。11 There are two great classes of promoters of social happiness; cheerful peo
25、ple, and people who have some reticence. The latter are more secure benefits to society even than the former. They are non-conductors of all the heats and animosities around them. To have peace in a house, or a family, or any social circle, the members of it must beware of passing on hasty and uncha
26、ritable speeches, which, the whole of the context seldom being told, is often not conveying but creating mischief.有两种人可以为社交生活提供快乐和谐：积极欢乐的人和缄默慎言的人。而后者甚至比前者更有价值，因为缄默慎言的人对周围所有的剑拔弩张和敌意怨恨都无所作为。为了一屋子人，一家人，或任何社会圈子内的人能和平共处，所有人都必须意识到直言不讳、言辞激烈，尤其是说些不经常说的话，并不是表达想法而是制造嫌隙。12 We come now to the consideration of t
27、emper, which might have been expected to be treated first. But to cut off the means and causes of bad temper is, perhaps, of as much importance as any direct dealing with the temper itself. Besides, it is probable that in small social circles there is more suffering from unkindness than ill-temper.
28、Anger is a thing that those who live under us suffer more from than those who live with us. But all the forms of ill-humor and sour-sensitiveness, which especially belong to equal intimacy (though, indeed, they are common to all), are best to be met by impassiveness. When two sensitive persons are s
29、hut up together, they go on vexing each other with a reproductive irritability. But sensitive and hard people get on well together. The supply of temper is not altogether out of the usual laws of supply and demand.接下来讨论脾气的问题，也许有人觉得这个问题应最先讨论，但是为了能够最终得以解决，了解坏脾气的成因或许比直接解决更为重要。另外，在小的社交圈里，刻薄无情也许比脾气暴躁更加令人
30、痛苦。生气发火的人会比周围的人不好受，然而刻薄挑剔和过分敏感的人，尤其是地位平等的亲密伙伴，最好还是和冷漠大度的人相处。当两个敏感的人在一起，他们只能因不断刺激而相互折磨，但是敏感的人却可以和冷漠的人相处的很好。因为坏脾气的供应并没有遵循一般的供需规律。13 Intimate friends and relations should be careful when they go out into the world together, or admit others to their own circle, that they do not make a bad use of the kno
31、wledge which they have gained of each other by their intimacy. You seldom need wait for the written life of a man to hear about his weaknesses, or what are supposed to be such, if you know his intimate friends, or meet him in company with them.当大家一起进入社交圈或是请别人来自己的圈子时，亲密的朋友家人要尤其小心，不要把因亲密而获得的信息滥用。要知道一个
32、人的缺点，根本不用等到她驾鹤西归，写悼词的时候，只需跟他的亲密好友相交，或是在密友陪伴下与他见面。14 Lastly, in conciliating those we live with, it is most surely done, not by consulting their interests, nor by giving way to their opinions, so much as by not offending their tastes. The most refined part of us lies in this region of taste, which is
33、 perhaps a result of our whole being rather than a part of our nature, and at any rate is the region of our most subtle sympathies and antipathies.最后，要想和亲密的人和谐相处，最应该做的不是询问他们的兴趣，也不是向他们的不同看法退让，而是不去冒犯他们的品味。人类最微妙的就在于品味这个领域，品味也许是我们整体存在的结果而不是个人的部分本质，而且品味也是人类赞同和憎恶最微妙的体现。15 It may be said that if the great
34、principles of Christianity were attended to, all such rules, suggestions, and observations as the above would be needless. True enough! Great principles are at the bottom of all things; but to apply them to daily life, many little rules, precautions, and insights are needed. Such things hold a middle place between real life and principles, as form does between matter and spirit, molding the one and expressing the other.也许有人会说，如果我们能遵循基督教教义的那些伟大信条，上述所有的规则、建议、评论都毫无必要了。话虽如此！然而伟大的原则信条是处理一切事务的基础，要想在日常生活中得以实践，具体规则、谨慎预防、洞察思考都必不可少。这些规则建议是现实生活与伟大信条之间的过度地带，如同形式在物质与精神之间，既铸就赋形于前者而又表述传达了后者。专心-专注-专业
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